Monica Crowley, Ph.D., is a nationally syndicated radio host and television commentator. She has also written for The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, The Baltimore Sun and The New York Post. http://www.monicamemo.com/
January 28, 2008
Something tells me that the conversations over the last day or so at Chez Clinton went something like this (expletives cleaned up):
Sunday morning, Hillary in Tennessee, calling Bill who was Lord-knows-where. HER: "Bill, wake up you (horse's butt.) Get whoever you've got with you the (heck) outta there and listen up. We've got a huge (freakin') crisis here." HIM: "(Gosh dang it), Hillree. Do you know how (freakin') early it is?" HER: "Listen, (horse's butt). Ted Kennedy is about to endorse Obama. I cannot believe what an ungrateful (horse's butt) he is. After all of the (gosh-dang) (stuff) we've done for him! That washed-up (freakin') (horse's butt) is pulling himself out of the (freakin') bar long enough to endorse somebody ELSE?!" HIM (whispering to someone else): "I'll be right with you, baby....Don't go." HER: "BILL! Who the (freak) are you talking to?? We've got an emergency here, and all you can think about is Mr. Happy? You are unbelievable." HIM: "I'm sorry, honey. What were you saying?" HER: "Oh shut up. Just get on the horn with Kennedy and hold a (freakin') gun to his head. Show me that you're good for something besides (sleeping with) half of America."
Sunday afternoon, Bill Lord-knows-where, calling the Senior Senator from Massachusetts, the Honorable Edward M. Kennedy. BILL: "Teddy! Great to hear your voice." TED: "Mr. President." BILL: "Rootin' for the Patriots, eh? That Brady is somethin' else." TED: "Yes, he is." BILL: "Goin' to the Big Game?" TED: "No, Mr. President." BILL: "I hear ya. I'd rather watch on the big screen at home with a coupla beers myself." SILENCE. BILL: "So listen. I heard this crazy rumor that you were thinkin' about endorsing Obama. Surely you're too smart a man to fall for his BS. I know I can go back to Hillree and tell her you're on board, right?" TED: "Actually, Mr. President, I am going to announce my support for Senator Obama tomorrow." BILL: "Oh, Ted. You crack me up. Have you thought about pitching a show to Comedy Central? Seriously, how can you go for a guy who doesn't have the first clue about anything? Hillree has been around the block. She knows how Washington and the world work. There's no learning curve with her. Besides, did you know that Obama is black?" TED: "With all due respect, Mr. President, I have been deeply offended by the way you and Senator Clinton have injected race into this campaign. You have smeared a good man, a decent man, a man who reminds me a lot of my brothers---" BILL: "Oh, please. You're not falling for that old claptrap, are you?" TED: "Mr. President, I have found your treatment of Senator Obama---dismissing him as a "fairy tale," as "Jesse Jackson"---despicable." BILL: "That's rich, coming from you. You should be in prison for murder rather than kingmaking in the 2008 election." TED: "Mr. President. I'm supporting Senator Obama. End of story. And if I could offer you some advice, tone it down. Stop with the racial (stuff). And go be a semi-dignified ex-president." BILL: "I'm very disappointed in you, Ted. You'd better hope Hillree doesn't get elected. You won't know what hit you." TED: "Is that a threat?" BILL: "No, it's a promise." TED: "Is there anything else, Mr. President?" BILL: "Could you at least endorse Edwards instead?"
Monday afternoon, Hillary on the campaign trail, calling Bill, who is Lord-knows-where. HER: "Did you SEE that?! Did you just see those turncoat, son-of-a-(female dog) Kennedys endorse Obama? It looked like a (freakin') ticker tape parade." HIM: "Ted cleans up well." HER: "All of their "he's the new Camelot" (stuff) makes me want to puke. And you, you (horse's butt)! You couldn't stop it. What good are you to me? I should dump your (butt) right now." HIM: "Go ahead. Do me the favor, honey. Let's see how well you do out there without me. My guess is you'd last five minutes." HER: "Oh really? All of your (freakin') "brilliant" strategies have screwed this up beyond belief!" HIM: "I only have so much to work with, sweetheart." HER: "Now you've got Al Sharpton telling you to "shut up"---and on "The View" of all places! FIX THIS!" HIM: "I'm on it, baby. I'm on it."
5 comments:
The Meltdown. Yes, and past due. Except for the Obama thing.
De'on,
What is "Except for the Obama thing" supposed to mean?
In this piece Ted Kennedy, not me, says that Obama is a good and decent man.
Guess what! I agree with Ted Kennedy that Obama is a good and decent man.
Unlike Hillary and Ted himself, both indecent men, I believe Barack is a decent and extremely talented man.
Do you and Virgie Bell have a problem with that? Well do ya, huh?
Make my day.
Ray
What I meant was this: I hate it that Obama wins!
No, I'm not an Obama fan! Not a Hillary fan, not either.
Truthfully, the lesser of 2 evils, I'd have to go with Hillary, man or woman! lol!
Hillary is a snake, but we know her slithers. I think Obama is a snake too and though he is much more handsome than Hill, we don't know much about the way he slithers or doesn't slither.
I pray all this is neither here nor there, as I hope that a Republican wins.
Is your day made yet, Raymond from Okinawa? ;)
Before I go night-night I should say that truthfully, I don’t know anything about the man. I do believe to be a politician that you’ve got to have a little snake in you, but truthfully, unlike you and Mom, I don’t pay that much attention to them until the candidates are elected.
It’d be different if anyone ever said something original like, “I’m certain we will be in Iraq for twenty more years and I will raise taxes 100% and I will take you and your money and your daughter for every ride I can!”
Now that’d be different. That’s something that would grab my attention. But in the beginning they all promise everything that will cost us nothing.
Take my own good Governor for instance. Above my head is a picture of him embracing me as he hands me the flag. Right next to him is a photo of the preacher who preached Aaron’s memorial. Today, I think about as much of one as I do the other. So, show me the money!
About two years ago I quit watching any news. I choose the headlines I read and there aren’t too many of those. I got to where I couldn’t stand the noise, the bickering. It was all too loud.
I probably should pay more attention but I don’t have the television on at all until Greg comes home. I love the quiet.
And I definitely should pay more attention before I criticize someone, so I’m sorry. However, I do stand by the fact that he would still not be my choice of a Dem. But he does come in ahead of Edwards.
Ray I think Obama is the most arrogant canidate so far. I do not know what you mean do I have a problem with this post because I have a peoblem with any canidate who does not support us in Iraq. We are there...the only option is to win therefor support the troops. I think Ted Kennedy is a joke and a national disgrace but then that is just me. OK? VB
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