Tight Spot

Hey all you test takers and money-givers!! Todd Larkin (the troop who raised money for children's shoes in Afghanistan) has posted his last time from said country. You can check it out at Task Force Phoenix 5. While you're there you can look at his sidebar and see where he calls us "wonderful ladies." Mmm, we are, aren't we? I'll tell Greg. :)

I have a great deal to get up today. I slept through a great deal of the day yesterday and went to bed at midnight, so I should be caught up on my rest. It really doesn't surprise me. It's like how it was when Aaron would come for the weekend. I would make a five hour drive to pick him up, and then we'd drive back. This would be on a Friday. I'd play the part-time parent role, which is harrowing to say the least. We'd spend Saturday as actors in this role and know that the end (of only the weekend, but it seemed like it would be forever until we saw each other again) was upon us. About noon Sunday, we'd hit the road, do five sad hours together and then I'd do the last five crying on the way back home. Once it was done, I'd be exhausted. Yesterday was my "day after" and last night as I sat here and wondered what now, it occurred to me that God holds the what now. And that if I want to set a day apart for Aaron to be alive or dead, that is up to me. But God cannot go to that level. Aaron is alive every day for Him. So, I powered down my computer and went and got in bed with my husband at midnight. The dogs followed.

For months, I've slept on the love seat. It's really too short for me here, but when Aaron was little, we used to sit together on this seat some, though I think it was mostly on the couch. About here, you're probably thinking, What? She has the same old couch all these years later? Well, just a little side note here, but in a way, I do. It used to be Mom's and is the one we used when the three of us (Mom, Aaron and I) lived together in Littlefield (and I want her to write some stories from that time!). In our extended family, we use up everything: cars, furniture, plants, everything. My Camry went from me to Karen, then back to me, then (uugghh) and now Eric. No, we don't waste anything! :) But back to what I was saying.

I've stayed on this love seat for several months. During the day and at night. It's my safe spot and near the front door. I don't know if there's a part of me that thinks Aaron will come through it if I wait long enough or if I've become a cat and feel protected in small spaces. But whatever it is, I've worn the love seat out and so this spot has been used. But nothing has been wasted.

When I went to my king-sized extra wonderful mattress (Sarah sleeps there and she looked shocked then ticked that I was getting in bed with her and her daddy), but anyway, I did. I could hear the wind chimes and birds just as well from my bedroom window, and I already knew that would be true; at one time, my bedroom was to me what this love seat is to me now, but still, the fact that I could hear life, helped keep me in there. It's one of those things I don't want to do, but once the habit takes hold, I'll be back sleeping where I should without any problem.

Today I'm well rested. I know that I can come up with a plan for what now, or I can just be open, but ready for the "what" that God never fails to place in my life. Down here, nothing lasts forever. It changes. Remember how I wrote a while back that by the time April 26th arrived, that the season would look entirely different than it did on April 2nd? But this year that wasn't the case. I think that it upset me some. But I don't know why. Perhaps like Mom, I'd at least counted on the spiritual green. Then last night my Internet wouldn't work and after I fought with it some, I knew it was just time to rest.

So. Another year. And despite anything we think, this too will pass. And it will be okay without forethought from me. It's going to be okay. Thank God.

Back later with 5 million pictures! Kidding somewhat, but I know a little lady in California that I do want to get some stuff together for (Marine Ball/luncheon photos) and I've already scanned the many photos, but the work left will take some time, so I will get up a couple of other things I scanned when I stayed up all night Thursday.

Back later!