How’s your Sunday? Pretty good around here. Lisa and Karen both have been by to see me today. Good sisters!

Greg is out digging my hole next to Aaron’s tree in the front. On this Friday, the 29th, I will bury a bunch of certificates, cards, dried flowers, stuff like that which has accumulated over the nearly four years. I guess it sounds a little crazy to bury it, but that way, Aaron and his stuff will always be a part of this house. I’ve kept the flowers semi-clean for just about as long as I can. These are mostly flowers that were sent to me at the time Aaron was killed. I dried them and have saved them in a large red, white and blue basket. When I received more flowers, I’d later dry them and place them on top of the others. It’s been impossible to throw anything away. I’ve tried—and I just can’t let it go out of my hand, even if it’s just his name or a copy of a copy of a copy of a photo…. So, Greg’s digging and Friday I’ll lay it in there and cover it up. No ceremony. Just me and the dirt and probably Cady. The boys will watch from the back, which is where they’ll all be buried. Yes, I have all this thought out. And you’re thinking: It sucks to be you??? LOL!

I know.

But this is my last first. Leap day of leap year was the last time his foot was on American soil—this is my first leap year without him. There was a time I’d never thought I’d have to last this long without him. And then something like the image I have displayed comes in the mail and I realize that I may have a very long time to go and had better buck up.

Our troops. How do they feel? I'll tell you, Semper Fi Mom's son was great to talk to and I am so happy for how things are in Fallujah right now. We've been doing this sort of thing for a long time, folks. Let's keep on keeping on, huh?

We live in a fantastic country. I love America. I love America. I love her troops, her liberty, her land.

Oddly enough, I feel good. Of course, I’m not the one digging the hole!

Mom still doesn’t have her computer and Lisa still doesn’t have her picture. What good are they?

Talk at you later!
De’on

Lundy, Kayla, and Allie

@ Jake's Sports Bar after the Raider's loss.

February 16, 2008

+ + +

Hey everybody,

Long time, huh?

Our vacation time together was great! We didn’t go anywhere (but to Lubbock—Greg actually went three times!) but it was good to be together around here and of course, to visit family and friends. February is always a tough month for me. February 15th is the last time I saw Aaron and February 29, 2004 is the last time he was on American soil. The unit’s plane flew on that day.

Greg and I met Semper Fi Mom and her eldest son, Steven, who has recently returned from Iraq. Steven was a joy to talk to. Everything he shared was positive and the photos he took were fabulous. He spent a great deal of time in some of the same places Richard did. The four of us had lunch at Olive Garden. Gary, the brother-birthday-boy knew we were going and had Greg and I bring him and Karen an order to go! (They live in Brownfield, TX, 36 miles from Lubbock) so when we dropped their order off on the way back home, we got to visit with them. That was a really great day and it felt good inside to set down and listen to a Marine talk. And of course, the Marine’s Lubbock Mom is the cutest thing. She’s always smiling and so busy. She’s the epitome of sweet Motherhood.

On a different trip, Greg and I took Kayla and 2 of her girlfriends to watch the Red Raider (men’s) basketball game against OU. We lost in the last .9 seconds, so bummer, but it was good to be with the girls. They’re all 14—nearly15, so there was a lot of giggling, but I loved it. The photos above were taken at Jake’s Sports Bar in Lubbock. We took them to eat there after the game. I had Greg bring the camera and this is the only photo we ended up with. I really wanted one of the girls standing up so that I could better show-off one of Kayla’s friends. The two blondes and one brunette are all little knock-outs, but it’s Allie I’m talking about today.

Allie is the one sitting in the booth by herself and she’s quite the basketball player herself. She’s scored 30 points in one game of her own. A ninth-grader, her team finished up as the top regional team and now she joins Junior Varsity as they finish up their season.

Allie is important to me for more than one reason. She’s the daughter of Ray and Jody. Ray filmed Aaron’s memorial here for me in Lovington. He was also at the unit’s homecoming party we had here in Lovington when 2/1 made it home in October of 2004. It was there at that party that Ray first began to notice he didn’t feel well at all. After a huge fight for his life, Ray succumbed to lung cancer, leaving behind his wife, Jody, whom I went to school with, and their 4 kids. The two older boys are both college graduates from Las Cruces here; the daughter a little older than Allie is a college student and has been employed throughout her high school and college career. Allie is the baby. She was only in the seventh grade when she lost her dad.

Shortly before Ray (we called him Rapid Ray—an oxymoron for anyone who knew him—he was the most gentle and laid back soul I think I’ve ever known.), but anyway, it was a short time before he left us in that Rapid Ray came to know Jesus. He’d get one of my friends to come to his bedside and he’d tell her, “Say that prayer….” It was the Lord’s Prayer.

What Ray wanted for Allie, she has and is. He wanted her to “dress like a girl” and he wanted her to play basketball. She does both those things and she seeks the Lord in many ways for her life and the life of her friends and family now. She doesn’t talk much about it, but she has told Kayla of how she saw her dad sitting in his chair before his computer one night, and he told her that he was okay—that he was happy and everything was good. It encouraged her greatly and that is when she became interested in this spiritual life that surrounds us all—whether we realize it or not.

It helps to watch her blossom.

I went to Ray’s bedside the day before he died. They had a hospital bed set up in one of the bedrooms. He had his dog in there with him. When I came to the side of the bed, he held out his arm and took my hand. I knew it wouldn’t be long and I held his hand so tight. I thought to myself, this is as close as I’m going to get to heaven and to Aaron for now. I whispered to myself; I didn’t want to startle him, but to myself, I said, “Tell Aaron hello and I love him.”

Mom’s dinosaur computer is finally history. Her new one should arrive today, so, no doubt, she’ll be getting a post in shortly after it’s up. I know she has missed her ranting during these past days.

So, we’re back for whatever that means! And we have missed being here for you. We appreciate you all.

And oh yes, Lisa won Mom’s “Title It” so we’ll get her to get a photo sent to us sometime this weekend.

Happy Friday and I hope you’re wearing RED!

Semper Fi,
De’on

Just thinkin'....

Hello everybody!

My hubby is on vacation this week, so I’m going to vacation with him some.

Check back after the 20th of February for further posts from myself or Virgie Bell. Meanwhile, others may or may not post, but anyway, don’t forget to have a wonderful
Sweetheart’s Day and be sure to ply your Valentine with tons of lovely baubles and dark chocolates!

Semper Fi,
De’on

Support and News on No-Shows!

Thought I'd get out and visit tonight. It's been a century since I've been out running around you know and since I'm doing it here in town more, thought I'd leave the perimeters of my own little gUnZ uP and get out to shoot the breeze somewhere else. Semper Fi Mom was on my mind. I owe her money on Tonya's test. By the way, CONGRATULATIONS, READERS OF MINE (hAVE i ANy?)!! ALL OF YOU WERE 100% IN NoT ShOWInG Up FOr ThE tEST!

Even my own special student has failed me.

jUST JoKING! Tonya (and I know others like Karen, etc) are really pressed right now to get out all the tax stuff for 2007 so last night I took the liberty of filling in as best I could.

But back to the original thought and yes, there was one. Here are two important posts I want you to check out, so just click below on each of their titles. One group needs help and the other is giving help. They are both for our wounded, so please, please see if there is a way you can help or pass on the info to those who may be able to. Here they are.

Lap Blankets (Semper Fi Mom helps with this one and needs our help if we can knit or crochet or know someone who does!)

Wounded Marines Focus on Film Careers

Thanks. I'll probably be back. Have a few more places to jet to. ;)

Unfinished Business

One year and one day old. The postmark on the large manila envelope is Jan 23, 2007. It is still taped shut. There is a small tear alongside the heavy envelope. It sat out for quite a while. I really had the best intentions of opening it. True, I already knew what was in the envelope, but still, it’s beyond me as to why I have not torn into it already, but the metal clasp is untouched. I notice just now how well my cousin tapes. We are further removed! LOL!

The package represents a great deal of Unfinished Business for me. This is a side of my family that I know so little about. While Dad had quite a few stories to share, they were not of the military service members in our family. I want to know more about them and I think it would be cool if I knew them somewhat when I “get up there.” My Dad’s sister, his only sibling, died in her fifties,when I was first pregnant with Aaron, and PaPa, my paternal grandfather, died at age 62. Both suffered from heart problems and PaPa also had emphysema.

I’ve been in touch with this side of my family to a small degree since Dad became so ill, however, due to age and distance, it is doubtful that I will meet them in person again and I was six months old the last time I was around many of them. That would have been the Grigsby Family Reunion of 1955.

Just quickly I want to add that I don’t feel real bad even if I don’t feel real good, you know? For many of you, this “Unfinished Business” may seem a little weird; then again, I’ve never claimed to be exactly normal! I am interested in wrapping up little details of my life—no matter if I’m here three months or three years. None of us know the day, but at least I know it’s time to begin to get my affairs in order. When I write to you this way, it is without fear or depression. Actually, in a strange way, it is quite exciting. So, maybe I’ll be here five more years, well then, let’s keep it interesting and eventful!

Undoubtedly, some of you will be interested and many others may not, but there is much in the way of not only memories I want to capture on this blog, but also history, and most especially our family’s military history, so either just bear with me or use that tiny arrow back button to take you away, but for this post, it’s about the package.

The package I am referring to is a large record of birth and death certificates of the paternal side of my family. These, along with papers I should have already added to them trace my ancestry back to prove that I am eligible for DAR or Daughters of the American Revolution. While it is believed the Grigsby side of my paternal side had a patriot in the American Revolution that has not yet been proven, however one on my grandmother’s side has been proven. According to my cousin (who is very passionate in her genealogy studies) “It is much much more difficult for women of southern ancestry, such as ourselves, to prove a line to a Revolutionary Patriot than for women of northern ancestry. For some reason the Redcoats were more brutal and destructive in the south than in the north. Perhaps because there were more Tories in the south.”

Really interesting (from a recent e-mail) is where she writes: "This is all Grigsby family history. This is not the line of our family that has a proven Patriot. Virginia, who is probably the living authority on our line of the Grigsby family, thinks that Solomon Grigsby, to whom I will refer, was the grandson of the patriot James Grigsby. She has researched for over thirty years trying to prove this and thus far has been unable to do so.

Solomon Grigsby was born in Edgefield County, SC in 1801. He married Margaret ? in 1820 probably. They had their first child in 1821. They had three children in SC. Then they moved to Alabama where their son, Ira, was born in 1828. He is your GGGgrandfather. I believe another child was born in Alabama. (I am trying to remember these dates from memory.) I am too lazy to walk into the den and get out my files. But this is just for a historical time line to get you up to the time of Solomon's sons' military service.)

Then they moved just across the state line into Mississippi where three (I think) more children were born. Then in 1841 they moved to Texas. Solomon, your GGGGgrandfather was Justice of the Peace in Rusk County. Your GGGgrandfather Ira was 14 at the time. In 1845 he signed up for the War with Mexico. He was injured just a few months later (three, I think) at Monterrey. He was sent home. He had a crippled right arm the remainder of his life. I imagine he had a very hard life because he was a farmer. It would be difficult to farm with a crippled arm. It was after he returned home that he married your GGGgrandmother.

Approximately 15 years later The War Between the States began. Our Ira was unable to participate because of his crippled arm. Three of his brothers did. From this point on is what Daddy told me. Then, precious Virginia verified everything for me with Civil War Documents. Two of Solomon's sons joined the Confederate forces. My memory of their names is just blank. One was George Washington Grigsby and one was?

The third brother joined the Union Army. His name was Mark Grigsby.

Mark signed up with the Union Army in New Orleans in the summer. He was captured just a month or so later back in Texas in July, I believe. He was imprisoned near Austin in a Confederate prison named Hempstead. I believe he died in September. I have a copy of his death certificate. The cause of death was maltreatment and starvation. That was just a horrible horrible time in our nation's history. Daddy had always told me about that. I just could not believe it was true, but it was.

I do not know why your GGGGgrandfather Solomon left SC. The wills and other things I have show the family to be financially well off. There is no mention of Solomon in any of the documents. Virginia does not think he had done anything bad. But remember, so many southern courthouses were burned during the Revolutionary War and then about 85 years later during The War Between the States. General Sherman saw to that. So, much Southern history has been burned up.

It is much much more difficult for women of southern ancestry, such as ourselves, to prove a line to a Revolutionary Patriot than for women of northern ancestry. For some reason the Redcoats were more brutal and destructive in the south than in the north. Perhaps because there were more Tories in the south."

She later writes (after I apologize for taking so long to get to it:

I know you must be the most precious person! I also think you are probably headstrong. I am. Actually, people sometimes think that is a bad thing. I don't. I am telling you we would not be living as citizens of the United States if our ancestors had not been headstrong.

The ancestors that you and I share were from North and South Carolina, an area heavily populated with Tories. To be a Revolutionary was a dangerous decision. Their identities were revealed to the British forces by the Tories. You probably know the following from American history - When the citizen-soldiers, who in many cases were armed only with pitchforks, would prepare to meet the Redcoats out in the field, they would wait hiding in the trees or crops. They could hear the Redcoats approaching and then the time everyone dreaded - the marching stopped and they would hear the sound of the eleven inch knives being strapped onto the Redcoats' rifles. They knew what the Redcoats intended to do with those knives. One book I read said that not even a chicken was left alive when the Redcoats left the farms, and certainly no humans.

So, little cousin, your headstrong determination has been handed down to you from generation to generation. Let me hear from you through group emails when you have nothing else to do. Also, do not even think about the genealogy things I sent to you. The lack of a membership certificate to hang on the wall does not keep you from being descended from Patriots. You are also the mother of a Patriot of the modern times!

Lovingly,
Paula
+++

I’ll share more as I open, flip and read! Take care and
Semper Fi,
De’on

Thursdays and Fridays

I thought this article I'm about to post was cool. It came in my mailbox from the Two Listeners (where the God Calling posts come from). It was especially cool to me at this time because as some, if not all of you now know; I have been diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis and emphysema. I had told you of the possibility of this in an earlier post and we learned on Tuesday that this is indeed the case.

We are all fine as frog-hair around here and will just take life as it comes. Anyway, this Thursday Treasures is long but thought some of you might like it. It does give a new twist.

Since I have discovered I’m ill, I have made it a point to push harder mentally and physically. Spiritually, hey, I love it. While I was tested only a little over a month ago, I knew something was wrong a couple of months earlier. It was so weird. I can almost pinpoint the day. Not exact day, but I do remember it was a day or so before painting class, the first Saturday in November. I remember because I woke up and did not want to go, but made myself. Even after I got there, I couldn’t paint. It was like my head would tell my hand to move, but my arm was just too tired to make that happen. And then every day was like that. By and by, I thought it might be horrible depression, everything gets put on that easy enough, and Dad had just passed, holidays, etc. and it would have been easy enough to believe, so I went to check about the possibility of a possible change in medication. Everything changed after she (the NP OB/GYN) listened to my lungs. So here we are. Both lungs are scarred and that will be debilitating and irreversible and fatal. But guess what? Something always is… for a while.

I’m going Home, folks, but to keep it real and Texan like, ‘You aren’t shed of me yet!’

Semper Fi and read on if you care to. We’ll try to pull everything back out of the Geriatric Ward what with me and Mom, but I think most of the young ones are on My Space anyway ;)

And now it’s not even Thursday. Oh well. Put on your WEAR RED ON FRIDAY shirt and read yesterday’s news today!

De’on
+++


Losing Your Health Doesn't Mean That You've Lost Everything ...
by Marc Gellman

Thursday Treasures-Reprinted with permission

Sept. 28, 2006 - This week's popular but untrue saying is, "If you have your health, you have everything." Because if this saying is true, then it also true that if you lose your health, you have nothing. This is not only false, it is spiritually corrosive. Placing upon people the double burden of both their illness and the despairing conclusion that their illness has taken away from them everything important is much more than false. It is deeply cruel.

I know that the saying intends to be positive. It intends to say something like, "We should never want more than just our health because nothing we have is more important." Of course I agree that we should strive to live healthful lives and avoid the transfatty parts of the universe, but health is a fleeting thing, affected by environmental and genetic and even purely random factors. The fixation on health as the only important thing is what is behind this saying, and what is behind the unnecessary and often debilitating despair of sick people.

In my life so far, the two people I knew who best refuted the if-you-have-your-health-you-have-everything saying were Henry Viscardi and Pam Rothman, may their memories be blessed.

Born with severely short, twisted legs, rejected by his parents and forced to grow up in a sanatorium, Henry Viscardi was the Martin Luther King Jr. of the disabled. He was a driving force behind the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act and the founder of the Henry Viscardi School for the disabled in Albertson, N.Y. One day when my friend Msgr. Tom Hartman and I were visiting Henry, he said to us, "I never think of the people in this center as disabled. I think of you guys as just temporarily abled." Henry taught us that day that we are all part of the same continuum of gradually decreasing ableness that moves from the time we are children flying across lawns to the time when we wake up, get out of bed and say, "Oy, that hurts!" Nobody is disabled. We are all just temporarily abled until that day when we are no longer quite so abled.

When Moses broke the tablets bearing the Ten Commandments because of his anger at the people for worshiping the golden calf, God gave him a new unbroken copy, but God also commanded Moses to place all the broken pieces of the first tablets together in the same golden ark of the covenant that held the new unbroken tablets. The broken and the whole were together in the same ark. As it was so it is with us now. Those of us who happen to be disabled and those of us who happen to be temporarily abled are together in the covenant of God's love and must be together in the bonds of love and support we extend to each other. The broken and the whole are together in the same ark.

In the Jewish laws concerning the treatment of dying people, the rabbis taught this same lesson. In Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah, the first line we read is, "A dying person is like a living person in all essential respects." We are commanded to view dying people the way we would view any other temporarily abled people. They are living and we are living. In that essential respect we are the same. When we coddle them, infantilize them, hide the truth from them or treat them as if they were already dead, we have separated them from the community of people made in the image of God. My father, Sol Gellman, has Alzheimer's disease. My father does not know my name, but when I hugged him and kissed him goodbye on my last visit, he grabbed me and said to me, "I know that I belong to you, and I know that you belong to me." Even now, in the midst of his deepening fog, my father still knows everything that is important to know.

Pam Rothman died of cancer after a long struggle, and although she eventually lost her life, she never lost her smile. One day sitting in her hospital room, Pam said to me, "Rabbi, I can't be the best of the best any longer, but I can still be the best of the worst." And she was the best of the worst, the very best of the very worst. She helped other cancer patients cling to hope, she held her family together by her embracing love and she read and wrote to the end. In the end Pam was taken, but she was never defeated.

Like Pam, many people find that their greatest artistic, spiritual and personal achievements come after they are sick. The greatest theoretical physicist in the world is Stephen Hawking. He has the motor neuron disease ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), and he cannot move from his wheelchair. He speaks through a speech synthesizer. He has the best mind trapped in the worst body and this fact has not dimmed but brightened his brilliant light. Christopher Reeve was a good actor and a great Superman but he became a great inspirational force only after his injury. The greatest modern Jewish theologian was Franz Rosenzweig, and though he died in 1929, also from the predations of ALS, his illness did not diminish his brilliant translation of the Bible into German with his friend Martin Buber nor his philosophical masterwork, "The Star of Redemption," which he wrote by holding a pencil in his mouth and pointing to the keys on the typewriter.

Henry and Pam, Stephen and Chris, Franz and Helen Keller, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Soren Kierkegaard, FDR, Beethoven and a thousand brave and wise and creative people whose bodies were broken or who suffered disabilities or ill health have given everything to the world—while millions of people who have their health have given nothing. And how else can we understand God's decision to pick Moses, a disabled man with a cleft palate to be the leader of the Exodus from Egypt? God picks the soul, not the body. Through an endless list of wounded genius we are taught and must finally learn that losing your health does not mean that you have lost your genius or your destiny.

Much of my counseling is devoted to helping people cope with newly broken lives. Perhaps their life has been broken by injury or illness or perhaps by the death or illness of someone they loved more than life itself. In all these cases the people who come to see me know that they have lost a substantial part of their physical or mental health, and because they secretly believe this damn saying, they think they have lost everything. My job is to convince them that the saying is wrong. I must try to urge them, cajole them, teach them and remind them that even in their weakened state they still have everything they need to lead a spiritually, morally and even physically happy life. They may not have what they had but they have what they have, and as long as they are still alive, what they have is enough. They may not be able to do what they once did. They may have to adjust the expectations of their life, but they do not have to surrender their life or their hope or their resolve to be the best they can be with what they have left. This is not a counsel of despair and resignation. It is a counsel of hope and faith.

The reason health is not everything is your health is about you, and everything really important in your life is about others: serving others, loving others and teaching others reveals our true purpose and ultimate destiny. The rabbis wrote, "Give me community or give me death." Losing your health is a terrible thing but losing a community of love and purpose is fatal. Our only chance to find everything is to get out of ourselves.

So I wish you a year of health, and I wish you a year of knowing that having your health is not even close to having everything.

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About the Author:
Marc Gellman
The Spiritual State

Gellman holds a B.A. from the University of Wisconsin and a Ph.D. in Philosophy from Northwestern University. He was ordained by the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion and is the senior rabbi of Temple Beth Torah in Melville, New York. Gellman is a past President of the New York Board of Rabbis.

Gellman was a contributing editor of Moment Magazine where his collection of modern interpretations of Bible stories for children first appeared. Does God Have a Big Toe? was selected by The New York Times, Time Magazine, The Los Angeles Times, and People Magazine, as one of the best children's books of 1989. His second volume of modern midrashim for children, God's Mailbox was published in 1996. In 1997 he published, Always wear Clean Underwear and other ways parents say they love you.

With his friend Monsignor Thomas Hartman, he published Where Does God Live? which received a Christopher Award; How Do You Spell God? (with a forward by the Dalai Lama) which was made into an HBO animated special and received a Peabody Award. They also co-authored Lost and Found: A Kid's Book of Living Through Loss; Bad Stuff in the News; and Religion for Dummies. Gellman and Hartman host a cable television program called, The God Squad, and write a nationally syndicated spiritual advice column in newspapers across the country. They also appear on many news programs and are regulars on Imus in the Morning.

Gellman and his wife Betty raise guide dogs for the blind. They have two married children, Mara, married to Ilan are parents of Ezekiel, and Max who is married to Phoebe.

The Brewing Storm

Lighting Strikes Twice

Greg's photo from 3/28/07

***

It’s been pretty quiet around here as the stormy Virgie Bell recoups from her surgery. All went well as far as the doctor, Jerry and children were concerned. I think Mom had a tiny little problem with the quickness of it all as they pushed her dress over her head while she sat in place to check out “her plumbing” as it were. So, no doubt, a future post about the future of our medical care could be in place after she feels like sitting up and letting it rip once again! She was not even out from under the cloud of anesthesia good when she said to me, “And just think, they want to add 12,000 illegals to this. If Hillary wins, it will be even worse…socialized healthcare….”

Anyway, we were in and out in less than ten hours. Jerry and I treated ourselves to the famous Olive Garden lunch special and then we suffered through a trip to two different Home Depots for my husband. Oh, and no, it wasn’t a free for all hospital we were at, but has anyone else noticed how really crowded the whole thing is? It’s tough out there, so stay well!

As far as the Miller household goes, we are well. Greg pulled up the carpet in the den and put down wood laminate. Hen and Isaac freaked for a while on the floor and were just about to grasp the toe-hip-thrust of it all when we laid a nice area rug down for them. Greg also painted the walls and ceiling and everything looks great.

The painting above, titled by Greg is "my almost first” painting which is now a part of our den interior. I say almost first because this was from my first lesson in October. The instructor not only highly instructed most of it, she also saved it a couple of times. One may also note that it is not signed. So this could also be my first unsigned painting. Anyway, it’s dry, it’s Greg’s and it’s hung! Does anyone recognize the source from which the art originates? Discluding animal hair. Yes, it is my #1 pecan tree and I painted it from Greg’s photo. I left off a great many of the pecan buds. I felt my chances much better without them.

I did notice Kerry has thrown his support to Obama. Well, we all know what a help to poor Barrack that should be!

Take care and Semper Fi!
De’on

The Long and Short of it....

In my mind last night, I came to this very same piece of paper to write a closing note for the blog. I was too tired to do it and today I’ve changed my mind. Thus, another year has arrived and with it too, every prerogative that is afforded a woman.

On December 7, 2007 (yes, Pearl Harbor Day), I visited my gynecologist to voice a few complaints, with one of them being that I’m so tired and sleepy all the time. Long story short, it appears that I do have some sort of lung disease. At this time we are not quite sure as to what it is since I have not seen a specialist yet. You know everything is so specialized these days, so I doubt it’s even “allowed” to let a female NP of the tushy areas tell you that you have anything in the lung area. Lungs are much too far from the tush and so we will know more once we, along with our insurance company, spend several thousand more dollars.

I embarrassed my husband in a great way on one appointment, now known to me as the Complete Pulmonary Profile (I’m sure the word ‘Complete’ is a costly little word)…. I asked the technologist if I couldn’t be frank with him. I felt Greg’s butt cheeks clinch from across the shiny cubicle as I began my dialogue with the dispensation of, “Look, we don’t have a lot of life insurance on me and the one thing I can do is try to keep a hold on some of these hospital bills. Look, I know….. They gave my dad every test in the world…so, can’t we just cut to the chase right here…?”

Several long minutes later Greg and I walked out. My instructions from The Tower were: “Don’t you ever do anything like that to me again.” Since that time a few prayer warriors have been praying for my family as I gave instructions to my family: “Don’t you pray me out of this.” Which I’m sure a few have ignored, but which one of us wants to know who? No.

So—it has gone from possible lung cancer to Pulmonary Fibrosis to Emphysema, but as I’ve mentioned, we don’t know anything for sure yet. Oh, and a couple of spots on my liver, but they could be anything, as all my lab work is pretty amazing.

And how was your Christmas? ;)

Just joking. You may even find it a bit morbid that I am not more upset. Yes, I am upset for my family, but truth be known, for many years, maybe since I was a little girl, I have wanted to see and be with Jesus. This naturally increased after my son got to go be with Him before I did. It is not a statement of any sort, except eloquently put, I love my family with all I got, but hey, I just don’t got what I used to. Can't help it. It's a truism. I’m tired in more ways than one and I am blessed beyond measure with such a fantastic family and any hope for any future I have with them. If God chooses to heal me, then that is okay too, but I’m certainly not going to ask Him to heal me when I choose to continue to smoke while I am able. And that is not a statement of anything but fact. I am an addict in the worst way and like any addict worth their final true salt; I like the drug more than I like to think about quitting. I’ve smoked for 35 years and I’m no dummy. This is my sword that I’ve lived by, and I’m sure there’ll come a point where I can’t and then I won’t. Greg has quit again and I do hope he makes it. I’ve quit three times in my life and hated life. I’m not giving up anything else at this point.

I did quit my anti-depressants, cold turkey a few days ago, as sort of an experiment on if I gave them up, would I continue to drown the mattress each night with as many buckets of sweat as the 18-inch deep and King Size across would hold? Guess what? Quitting mostly worked. I still have night sweats but they might only dampen a little nap mat as compared to the other. So yes. I quit those by my own choice. I quit alcohol by EVERYONE’S choice a year and a half ago. My sister and I had our once every two to five year fight a couple of nights ago. Not my fault of course! :) If people keep messing with me, I may quit my hormones. No.

Lisa and I are fine now. I do try to live more in the moment, but honestly, there is so much I want to accomplish before I leave here. I want to know early. At times, I wonder if the blog should be in my life, as it is very consuming. Blogging should include visiting other blogs and at times I’m too tired to even look at mine. Mom has sent me a post every day for over a week and I haven’t even read any of them. For a while I thought the computer was making me dizzy, but I think that may be from quitting 100-150 mg. Zoloft daily. Mom has yet to get her feelings hurt or quiz me about it. She’s told me before, she just needs to vent, so she writes for her. She’s so cool.

I want to write. I want to seriously write. I said to my husband the other day, “Someone once said that a writer could not truly write until important family members had died, but I think there is another thing that could cause a writer to write like they’ve never written before.”

My soul mate said, “I bet you’re right.”

Too, I want to read the Bible more. I want to know as much of the words God chose to share with me as I can. If even “the world could not contain all that Jesus did and said while on earth”—how important those words must be that are recorded! Oh my gosh!

I want to wear all the new stuff I’ve never worn, paint some more, and I do want to blog. So I won’t make anymore excuses, but will show up and not show up as time and energy allow, and we’ll just take whatever each new day brings to us because we can’t help ourselves. Hope reigns.

Happy New Year. Be blessed. Be joyful. The absolute control is not yours and aren’t you relieved?

Semper Fi,
De’on

Christmas Elves

Whew! The Christmas tree came down yesterday and Greg started to work in the den last night. Outside of the customary trip to Hobbs and Home Depot for more flooring and paint, he worked on it all day Saturday. It’s going to be nice. We’re getting rid of our carpet and putting the same floor in the den as we did in the kitchen. Hen was terribly relieved to see that his hideous bed was staying. There’s only so much you can do sometimes….

I hope Christmas was good to everyone. It was really good to me.

I apologize for my lack of blogging. It has been a busy time for all of us I know, but things will begin to normalize soon. Yeah.

One of the things I got for Christmas is Life’s Platinum Edition of 70 years of photos, so I’ll have a few photos to share from that no doubt.

There were several messages from Aaron’s friends on his message board over the holidays. I always appreciate those and yesterday Greg and I went through some discs of Aaron’s last music that he’d recorded to take to Fallujah. We watched the DVD of his life in photos and music and burned the brass angel candle that Aaron always loved so much. Its four tiny brass angels float in a circular motion above and around four small candles and twinkles out a song close to that of the wind chime I love so much. Mom, my mom, your Virgie Bell, bought it when Aaron was three. We paid $1.00 for it and I noticed Vermont Country Store has them for $14.95 this Christmas season, but even at that, their charm is well worth it. I hung a candy cane on our Aaron Tree outside on Christmas night. My boy will always be a big part of our Christmas.

Is anyone out there making New Year’s resolutions? I haven’t thought of any yet. I’m just trying to catch up on the hints and tips Lisa bit us with. Guess I will have to do the New Year’s thing on the postman, etc., since I ran out of time with that too. I actually found a box two days ago that I’d totally spaced out. There are some hindrances to starting early when you’re semi-impaired with Senior Citizen moments.

Miss all of you for sure and will be out to visit soon I hope!

Much love and Semper Fi,
De’on

Don't tell PETA

This chicken was hanging around our house for a few days but I guess I scared it away forever when I started trying to take its picture. It had been eating sunflower seeds from our feeders and had even been up our porch in the chairs.

The small Evergreen you see to the side is a live tree we had for Christmas 2004. It’s planted in Aaron’s memory; we call it our Aaron Tree, and the now thriving tree has survived, despite our ignorance in caring for it for a while. We nearly lost it a couple of times. One time I called the Extension Agent and he came and offered some advice but I could tell he had little hope for it.

Greg and I thoroughly enjoyed our 14th anniversary and got quite a bit done for Christmas. It comes at my husband fast. Our anniversary is Dec. 14th, then Christmas, New Years, Lisa’s BD and my birthday, all within a 2 payday period! Poor Greg!

I’ve been working on Christmas cards and wrapping stocking items in tissue paper. Greg goes all out, measures, uses a razor blade to cut it exactly and then puts each little measured piece of tape in place. He puts a bow and actually hollered at Cady over her help! Cady is Greg’s baby and she was horrified. He made up to her and finished his wrapping, as intense as ever.

I go the other way. I’m wrapping in tissue paper to protect from peeky eyes, but it goes into a stocking, a bag, or sometimes I can talk Greg into wrapping a box for me. Often he rescues the package or the ink cartridge or the roll of storage tape I have myself wrapped in from my hands and re-fixes what I’ve just fixed.

One year I did wrap presents in an obsessive-compulsive manner. Aaron’s first Christmas in Panama (my first was the invasion) I wrapped each present elaborately, uniquely and spent probably an hour on each gift (sometimes being an only child is sweet!) adding candy canes or tiny stockings, scissor-curled ribbon, each tag was either from Dad or Mom or Santa or the North Pole. He did not have one present that was dressed as any other. It took a few times, but after various trials at tearing little holes into the back of the packages, I caught on. The lad was trying his best to see any part of the present he could. I’ve not spent a great deal of time wrapping since then! LOL! It never changed. He didn’t even hide it that well that he was looking high and low. That was the same year I made all kinds of food. Pies: mincemeat, pumpkin, and some other kind I can’t think of right now. We cooked the turkey and had all the trimmings and invited over some friends, SFC Washington and his family. Daniel was the name of their son and he was Aaron’s age. It was a good Christmas but I never got used to Christmas in Panama in the sweltering heat. It seemed false. Probably because I missed my extended family so much. Be sure to pray for our troops who are far from family and of course, their families too.

I know everyone is busy right now. Semper Fi Mom’s 2nd son who is stationed in North Carolina is home in Lubbock, Kayla is with her Aunt Karen in Brownfield and Lisa and Roy are out shopping. Ray is busy mailing packages from Okinawa and I’m about to get back to the tissue paper thing, so stay safe out there!

Semper Fi,
De’on

Sisters

I had to make a quick trip to the post office (who all mailed their Christmas cards for Operation Santa?) and I grabbed our camera because I’d been meaning to take a photo of Aaron’s memorial downtown. (We just call it Aaron’s as his name was singular for a very long time.) My sister, Lisa, has taken it upon herself to keep the flowers changed on it. (I love my sister).

In the photos, note the ladies and gentleman adding flowers, wreaths and ribbons to the previous war memorials. I asked to take a photo of them (they gave me their backs!) and told me this is the first year they’ve ever done this. (Now that I think of some of the faces I saw, this must be the Master Gardener’s of Lea County (I used to work in the Extension Office here at the courthouse) and if so, or if not, I do thank them for their efforts. After I got home and loaded the photos, I noticed the wreath and ribbon on Aaron’s memorial, well, I noticed it there too, but it took a while to dawn on me that this was something new to the memorial. I called Lisa to verify and she verified what I had thought. So the crew downtown there put the wreath and ribbon up at Aaron and the Major’s memorial.

It was this summer that the name of Major Tom Bostick, Jr. was added. As you can see from the photo, the Major had been in Afghanistan and I think that was his third trip there. He also had a deployment to Iraq under his belt. He is one of our heroes that enlisted straight out of high school, earned his hard stripes and education in the military, received his commission and led from the front. His death saved the lives of the enlisted that were with him at the time.

I’m still the only Gold Star Mom in Lea County. The Major had gone to school here through junior high and then his family moved to Texas, however, his extended family, grandparents, aunts and uncles still live here in Lovington. I went to school with his Aunt Bobbie and she called me when it happened. When people think of aunts, I sometimes think they view them as someone “a lot lower down the ladder than the mom.” What they may forget is that by merit of being an aunt, someone along the way was a sister or brother, and in our family, that’s major business for sure. I nursed Kayla to my very own breast and there is absolutely nothing Lisa would not have done for Aaron. Aaron adored her and called on her frequently.

Anyway, wanted to share these photos with our readers and while I’m on the sister bit, I wanted to tell everybody that soon, very soon, maybe like twelve days before Christmas, gUnZ uP’s very own “THE ERMA BOMBECK OF CHRISTMAS” (Lisa) will share her very own HELPFUL HINTS FOR THE SEASON. Some of you may remember her comments last year as she carried on her busy schedule and provided us a glimpse of adding more. This year I’ve invited her back but have asked her to do it as a post so it won’t get lost in the comments. She’s agreed, but said she’d just write it down on scratch paper along the way (busy, busy) and give it to me to put up. Something to look forward to as my little sister is quite humorous and has a hideous family to back up Erma’s column of old. Let me clarify, they are precious and hideous. You know, don't you have one? LOL!

Merry Christmas!
De’on

Kayla De'on Jewell AKA 'Little Pretty'

This photo was taken quite a while back--a few months ago anyway. "Little Pretty" has changed a lot since she danced for Aaron. Truth be known, she still dances for Aaron, every time she gets on that stage. Auntie loves you, Baby Girl. I've thought about you all day. I'm so proud of you, my precious snowflake!

Kayla De'on Jewell is dancing as a snowflake in this. I know they all will do fantastic. I'll be there tomorrow. It is The Nutcracker which first caused Kayla to fall in love with ballet. That's never changed.

LEA COUNTY COMMISSION for the ARTS


DECEMBER: 1,2,3

Maciolek School of Dance

The Nutcracker

Nelson Tyding Auditorium

1st at 7:00 pm, 2nd at 3:00 and 7:00 pm

$ 10.00 per seat

Tickets are sold at Maciolek Dance Studio

1849 N. Jefferson or at the door, Tydings

Break a leg, Kayla. That is okay to say that to a dancer, right?

Santas in Stars and Stripes and a MAF Rally in Lubbock!

Semper Fi Mom at Lubbock Marine Parents has some great news on support for the troops. Go here to learn about a non-political MAF rally in Lubbock on Dec. 3rd. And go here to learn about a neat way to send a holiday message to the troops via Stars & Stripes. The deadline for this one is Friday Nov. 30th, so if you're interested in this, better hurry!

Doc Duty! How thrilled I was to learn you signed our guestbook! You look so wonderful and so does that other handsome guy! I know you are so happy to be home on leave and how short you’re getting in Afghanistan. Thank you so much for the time you’ve served there.

I hope you’ll keep us tuned-in as far as your next assignment. You and the others with Echo Co. will always remain on top of my list as far as my concern for the lives you have from now on. I will NEVER be uninterested in any of you guys and will always look forward to hearing from any of you.

God keep you and thank you for visiting us during this awesome time. It has been wonderful, despite the fact that everyone can whip me at Wii bowling, a game I highly recommend by the way. Roy hooked us up on Thanksgiving when we were over there. Even Mom beat me. I have a powerful curve, like 180 even….

Jason, I love you.

Semper Fi,
De’on

P.S. If you’re reading this, we’d be interested in any news/comments you might want to share. I know you’ve been busy!

Back later! We're putting up our Christmas tree!

I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving festivities and now join the rest of the world (late, I might add) in the beginning of the joyous Christmas season. I started shopping weeks ago and today, in the snow covered day, Greg and I will drag in our traditional live tree. How cool is that? We’ve had a fire going in the fireplace for the last couple of days. It’s great. I do love this time of year and everything hit just right. Greg is home and snow on the ground.

Our internet service was down for a good bit yesterday but we did manage to get quite a bit of shopping done still (on the internet). I gave Greg my list yesterday. It’s very lengthy, but I feel I’ve been especially good this year and having skipped the presents part last year, I am ready for a few gifties myself!

I plan on visiting my favorite blogs in the next couple of days. I’m anxious to see what’s going on in your world. I hope it’s all good and I apologize for my absence of late. I have missed the news I’d become accustomed to hearing.

I’m glad to be back. Our military makes me proud and Gunz Up makes me feel closer to it. There will be a lot of news and needed support in the future days as our elections draw near. It’s important to be a part of that.

Much thanks to all, and especially to those who wear our nation’s military uniforms.

Semper Fi
De’on

Baby, it's cold outside...

Time to grab one of these electric blankets (and what a great price!--I know you're not that easy!) Actually, I started using mine a couple of weeks ago. There was a time I could hardly stay cool enough and now I walk around in sweaters and blankets and NOW it's snowing here in Lovington. I love it.

There are a lot of great photos of our troops celebrating Thanksgiving on FOXNews.com. Take a minute and find some troop pictures to look at today. I love them. How awesome and I guarantee you that they are okay. Troops do not get where they're at by whining that "they're not at home." Of course, they'd rather be at home with their loved ones, but what is great about troops is that they love each other and are truly thankful for something.

When I was in the military I became quite accustomed to bowing my head in prayer before my meal in the chow hall--after all, many of the troops did and nothing was thought of it. We have awesome people defending us today and we also have awesome people who have defended us before and I am thankful for you all. You keep me warm. You are that blanket of safety that stands between me and those who'd do me harm in a heartbeat. I do love you for this. If I had it all to do over again--there's truly not one thing I'd change.

I had a strange thing in my e-mail today from an online support group in which several Gold Star family members have joined together. It's sad to see a new name come along, but truly, there is not much life left in this group. One of our members, one younger than me, has gone on to join her Lord and her soldier son, Christopher, who was killed in Iraq several months before Aaron. The woman who started the group lost her sailor son, Matt, when the Pentagon was crashed into on September 11, 2001. It is from this mother that the new message thread was started and it's in reference to deleting the group. I'm interested to see what happens, but mostly it concerns me for Matt's mother.

Thanksgiving. It doesn't come without sacrifice and bloodshed. With all my mother's heart, I wish there was another way. I know Mary must have wished that just as countless mothers have since her. I think about Mary a great deal and I think of these other mothers, probably daily, yet I, like so many others, fail to post to the group. Still, I so often think of you mothers and I wonder where "you're at." I wonder where I'm at compared to you, to Eternity, to where I was and where I'll be.

These thoughts are never far from me and many times I wonder how "unhealthy" that may be. But the truth of the matter, healthy or not, they are there and a part, possibly a selfish part, of the woman I am today. But as much as I may hurt at times, I have never wished that the child I had the pleasure of bearing, borning, and bearing not serve his country. I'm thankful he rated right up there with the greatest people I know, with the heroes, with you. SERVICE. Thank you for it my troops, and thank you to those who bore them and to those of you who support them. It is truly an awesome group to be a part of.

I'll be back with a few items today and get them up in between bites of turkey, dressing and cranberries, the Cowboys and then of course, the Colts. There are a couple of fantastic articles I wanted to share on this day and I will also get up Lisa's "Title It" picture and hope everyone can join us in that fun contest.

Semper Fi,
De’on
A Proud Gold Star Mom

Coming Up!

I was looking through this old National Geographic (I put all my WWII Life Magazines up in the attic as they were totally worn out—and wasn’t that fun??!) but anyway, I suppose for the next few days I will “scribe” or copy as it were from this November 1942 The National Geographic Magazine. I’ll have to type it out “QM, the Fighting Storekeeper” which will take several (a bunch of?) postings, so we’ll see if I actually make it through. Anyway, it should be interesting with lots of good photos. If someone is stuck in the field, maybe it will make them feel a little better, or maybe you’re just stuck at home, whatever, a several day read may be the way to go and I have so little to say at this time. How shocking is that? Something to be thankful for maybe;)

Back later today!
De’on

Strong Minds

I just got off the phone with Major Zembiec’s mother and father.

A friend of mine came by just a little over an hour ago to pass on the message to me that the Zembiec’s would like to speak to me. Mr. Zembiec reiterated what so many of us live with now, people afraid to talk to “us” for fear of “opening up old wounds,” though I think by now they’ve talked with enough people and that feeling in their hearts tells them, confirms to them, that this wound indeed never closes.

Mr. Zembiec is a well-spoken man, a retired FBI agent, conservative and proud of his son. He’s ready for the “fan-fare” to die down, that part is terribly exhausting, and to just enter the phase of his life in which grief will always be a part of it, but I know too, his strong family, Mr. Zembiec’s strong daughter-in-law and the beautiful grandchild, Fallyn Justice, just now 1 ½ years old, will be a part of that, a balance as it were, to this process. When I asked him about Pam, the Major’s wife, he said, “You know the roller coaster ride, so everything is always up and down, but she has a strong mind … she, we, all will make it.”

His voice broke a few times during the five or ten minute conversation. He wanted to wish me happy Veteran’s Day, and to tell me how much his son thought of my son, of all of them, he said. “My son said there were not enough commendations to give out that day….”

Mr. Zembiec speaks with SgtMaj. Skiles on a regular basis.

They may come to visit sometime, as they live here in New Mexico.

Though he didn’t request it, I would ask that you would keep the Zembiec’s in your prayers. Strong minds still need a refuge, perhaps even more so.

Again, thank you, Major. Thank you Zembiec family. And thank you to all the Young Lions who fought by his side. I can tell you this: YOU’LL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN!

Shop in the mall or not at all?

So it seems Al Qaeda will be frequenting our malls this shopping season. It sounds like the best reason I know of to shop by phone or the Internet, but then, I’ll take any reason I can get to stay out of them. I believe in Agoraphobia (think of it as a deep need to stay home) to the utmost, and now, rather than dread it, I enjoy it every chance I get.

A few weeks ago I was way ahead of the game as far as Christmas shopping goes. The two stockings I take the most joy in stuffing belong to Kayla and Weston. Dad’s was one I loved stuffing too. So this year I’m stuffing one for everybody, but you know how it is--everybody has those people on their list that are fun to shop for. Every pink and purply sparkly thing is perfect for them, all the smell goods, candles, the little things that cost a bundle. Then there are the others. Fortunately, they’re few in my family. I’m speaking of both.

Lisa and I take turns driving Kayla to ballet lessons in Hobbs twice a week, but a couple of weeks ago, we ended up going together. While we waited on Kayla, I had Lisa run me to Big Lot’s. I got lost in the Christmas stuff there and Lisa remarked that the thought of Christmas was sad for her this year. I said, “Oh, yeah, because of Dad….” She meant everybody missing. I said, “Well, you had Christmas last year. (Some of you may remember that I did not. We decorated and it never got further). Maybe you should skip it every once in a while, so you can appreciate it!” She laughed and I know it will kick in, just as I know there will always be the shadow of what once was.

On the darker side, our small town suffered the tragic shooting of a woman my age that worked at a convenience store here. The murderers are ages fifteen and sixteen, the driver twenty. They have all been arrested, and I heard something about a vendetta the young men had with the clerk about a month ago. It turns out this clerk was raising her granddaughter and was about to take a month off from work to visit her father who was ill. I sincerely hope the young men are tried as just that. Men.

Lovington doesn’t get many murders. We did have one a few years ago just a block over, and it was a double murder. Someone walked in, shot the man of the house in the head as he sat in his chair. His wife sat and watched from another chair in the same room and within seconds the eldest son, the Jr., walked down the hallway and was shot in the head too. His football career, his life, ended at sixteen years of age in that hallway. The unfortunate woman was not shot. The FBI was brought in, for a while we heard something about a mafia group out of Phoenix, and then after that, we heard nothing. Or maybe we did and it got covered up with other noise.

Terror is everywhere, and I guess practiced or unpracticed, it is all just as deadly. Just as life changing. Our lives are changed in one quick second, at least as far as we know. The child or the man has been planning it all along. Deal with it. Our lives have been changed and we are stupid if we don’t act accordingly. We live in a scary world, but as Mom says, Christmas still comes. And like her, I plan on seeing it through Weston’s eyes. This year anyway. That’s the plan. Everybody should see it through the eyes of a child, so if you have to borrow one, try to do that too. Our troops do and if they can celebrate, any of us should be able to. I speak for myself.

By the way, gUnZ uP welcomes another writer aboard. Raymond Keen will be joining us to write whatever trips his trigger. He is a Vietnam vet, a retired psychologist, a poet and a supporter of our troops. Check him out in the sidebar. He currently resides in the same country as Gunny John and SgtMaj. Ploskonka. Japan is safe!

Semper Fi!
De’on

Hey,

Forgive my lack of visits or posts, but Jerrod has been here this week. For those of you who may not know, Jerrod is Aaron’s best friend and lives in Phoenix. Besides that, I’m becoming acquainted with a poet who contacted me because of Operation Homecoming, and then a special box from Dianne arrived at my house. Paints, brush, extras, and the most beautiful Marine scrapbook I’ve seen. I’ve been smiling all week!

People are great so much of the time. I hope all of you enjoy some of your favorites this weekend. Thanks for being some of mine. Take care and I’ll be back.

Semper Fi!