added 12/1/05
added 12/3/05
added 12/1/05
added 12/1/05
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Rolling this scrapbook backwards is a pretty good idea except when a narrative appears on two different pages, such as this page 1 and page 2. But many of you have already read the final version of this which I ended up re-naming "The Reply." Here, it is titled "Zach You are My Hero, Man" and is in its original form--without reply.
Zach still suffers from Aaron's death a great deal. I hardly ever see Zach anymore, whereas in the beginning of our grief, to see Zach was nearly an every day event. I hear he is tearing them up on the golf course here, so that energy is getting put to good use. I changed the title after a while and of course, added the replies which always seemed to come from Zach's mouth when we'd discuss Aaron's passing. I'd say all the right things, you know, because Zach is a very strong Believer, but with this, his reply would always be, "I just miss him...." He'd shake his head, stand a minute longer, shake his head again and walk into another room.
We're all going to be good, Zach. Everything will pass. Yes, even this. You know it is just like Aaron to be one of the first of us out of here so that we do all this. We make scrapbooks and blogs and plan Memorial Day around his grave. Of course, I know that you're not reading this... much like you've only glanced at this monstrously huge scrapbook. But its here for you, and the Aunt that has always loved you and even worked up the courage to give it another go on having another child because you were just "so darned cute!"
Outside of when they were little bitty boys, Aaron and Zach were totally different. Zach is "by the book" stressed over rules and possibilities, while Aaron thought rules were "suggestions" should someone actually slow down long enough to check out the suggestions!! :)
Aaron and Zach were on the same track team. Zach has never smoked a cigarette in his life and like his mother; Aaron had smoked since he was about 15. Aaron would stay up late, go out for a while the night before and of course, smoke before the meets. Then on the track field he would stay neck and neck with Zach in the sprints, and Zach couldn't touch him in the races that were of distance. Aaron just thought everything was a sprint. Everything.
Lisa and I had a blast raising these two together. I will always treasure this time and I'm so thankful that Aaron had Zach to look up to. Zach was in more than one confrontation over his cousin, but I don't guess it ever came to much really.
Our Christmases were the best. Tradition always brought the guys a cigar in their stocking. Aaron and Zach would smoke together out on the porch and laugh, tell tales.... We've been blessed with a great life in this family. Yes, we've lost one of the star actors, but you know what? Some families never have what we've had. We'll always be solid with each other, even though grief has changed its course for each of us.
Group grief for so very long, and now, we each just kind of do it our way. For the last two years I've had a party to gather everyone together and celebrate Aaron's life on April 26th. Balloon releases, drinks, food, laughter, tears.... Not this year. I don't know what I'll do this year, outside of take Grandpa to a doctor's appt., but I do know I'll be here, celebrating him and life and you, my new friends.
I'm good. And no, this isn't the end; it's not even the middle of this size Large scrapbook. I appreciate each of you and the comments you share. You're good people.
Zach still suffers from Aaron's death a great deal. I hardly ever see Zach anymore, whereas in the beginning of our grief, to see Zach was nearly an every day event. I hear he is tearing them up on the golf course here, so that energy is getting put to good use. I changed the title after a while and of course, added the replies which always seemed to come from Zach's mouth when we'd discuss Aaron's passing. I'd say all the right things, you know, because Zach is a very strong Believer, but with this, his reply would always be, "I just miss him...." He'd shake his head, stand a minute longer, shake his head again and walk into another room.
We're all going to be good, Zach. Everything will pass. Yes, even this. You know it is just like Aaron to be one of the first of us out of here so that we do all this. We make scrapbooks and blogs and plan Memorial Day around his grave. Of course, I know that you're not reading this... much like you've only glanced at this monstrously huge scrapbook. But its here for you, and the Aunt that has always loved you and even worked up the courage to give it another go on having another child because you were just "so darned cute!"
Outside of when they were little bitty boys, Aaron and Zach were totally different. Zach is "by the book" stressed over rules and possibilities, while Aaron thought rules were "suggestions" should someone actually slow down long enough to check out the suggestions!! :)
Aaron and Zach were on the same track team. Zach has never smoked a cigarette in his life and like his mother; Aaron had smoked since he was about 15. Aaron would stay up late, go out for a while the night before and of course, smoke before the meets. Then on the track field he would stay neck and neck with Zach in the sprints, and Zach couldn't touch him in the races that were of distance. Aaron just thought everything was a sprint. Everything.
Lisa and I had a blast raising these two together. I will always treasure this time and I'm so thankful that Aaron had Zach to look up to. Zach was in more than one confrontation over his cousin, but I don't guess it ever came to much really.
Our Christmases were the best. Tradition always brought the guys a cigar in their stocking. Aaron and Zach would smoke together out on the porch and laugh, tell tales.... We've been blessed with a great life in this family. Yes, we've lost one of the star actors, but you know what? Some families never have what we've had. We'll always be solid with each other, even though grief has changed its course for each of us.
Group grief for so very long, and now, we each just kind of do it our way. For the last two years I've had a party to gather everyone together and celebrate Aaron's life on April 26th. Balloon releases, drinks, food, laughter, tears.... Not this year. I don't know what I'll do this year, outside of take Grandpa to a doctor's appt., but I do know I'll be here, celebrating him and life and you, my new friends.
I'm good. And no, this isn't the end; it's not even the middle of this size Large scrapbook. I appreciate each of you and the comments you share. You're good people.
Back later and Semper Fi!
2 comments:
What ever you do Deon,Just remember all the memories,We have so many,We will never forget him,Always,his second mom,Donna
Unless I get dementia, I'll remember. You are so sweet, Donna. I was also thinking of Karen Walker. Tomorrow would be her son's birthday.
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